Thursday, January 26, 2012

It's My Past. No More Please


SubhanAllah.. One evening a dear friend of mine asked, with enough confusion on her face (obviously), "Why would you feel so much disturb whenever there's music playing on?"

I couldn't think of any better answer, "Because i used to love it so much"

I understand why couldn't she comprehend this 'weird' thing she found in me. Why wouldn't she feel that way anyway. In the middle of nowhere, 'those' songs were sometimes played n i couldn't sit peacefully, restless and worse i just got up and excused myself. I WALKED AWAY.

Yea.. I used to love these songs. But not anymore. Now, i HATE them.
I really hate thinking of how much had all these songs taken my time in past.
Hate thinking how much had i wasted my life
Hate thinking how much had them bring me away from spending more time seeking knowledge
Hate most thinking how much had this life of delusion taken me away from Allah- from HIS remembrance.

Life of delusion? Uhuh. Over-preoccupying my life with MUSIC. As if life is empty, null, boring without music. Sounds familiar?

*Early notification*
I'm not gonna tell you the rulings on music- prohibited or not? In what sense? Prohibited instruments, etc this time. Just clarifying my preference of Al-Quran over music. I listen to nasheed songs sometimes too, but without instruments and VERY rarely (I don't find contentment in nasheed songs though).

You see, i was raised up with music. It was was my passion, REALLY was.

My schoolmates know this well.

Wallahi i wish you girls read this post of mine. WAllahi i miss you girls.
I miss how we used to rehearse our parts (choir, singing contest) and how i used to watch you girls dancing  while waiting for my turn to practise my songs. And wanting to learn how to play piano after done practising our parts (choir) in our school mainhall.

But now, i've changed. You girls can obviously see this from me.  Wondering what happened to me, disappearing for almost 2 years then wala! Me with her big hijab after those years n now NIQAB. And guess you were shocked to discover me last time with this 'shield' on my face.

*ninja* Hoho

When Amir Muhaddith (if i spelled his name right. Known as 'Loon' before reverting to Islam, a former rapper with Bad Boys recording, used to be famous in one of his songs feat with Usher: 'I need a Girl'- again, if i spelled it right) was asked during his talk in my university to perform an 'Islamic Rap' or music or SOMETHING, he refused. He was trying to tell them not to 'bring' him back to his past life and that if possible, he would never wana go BACK to his past life- MUSIC. Wallahi i felt like he had my words! The exact spirit, 'dilemma' (perhaps. of choosing music over the beautiful words of Allah), determination (to leave music!). Imagine, it's part of your past-jahiliiyah life that you wanted so BADLY to leave for the sake of Allah and now turning your WHOLE new life to something better that is THE QURAN, beautiful words of Allah but out of a sudden, a person comes to you and telling you to 'go' back to that which you don't even want to come near to-music? And to some people, sometimes, when you tried your best to politely refuse and still they insist, that's the moment they will be shocked to see the 'weird' part of you: angry, unexplainable disturbed+mixed emotions seen obviously on your face and worst to be labelled as being extreme when you walk away. SubhanAllah..

Allah knows best that you were not trying to be rude.
Allahu yahdina.

And it was just a moment ago, i told to myself, "Oo my god, i miss to sing again".
Then i asked, "Then why are you here?"

Purpose of life?
Worship Allah. Please Allah.

Pleasing HIM. Gain knowledge to know what are the things taught in this perfect, complete and beautiful deen, understand, practice, teach and share! Keep purifying intention, actions, nafs- for HIS sake alone. InshaAllah.

What if you forget and become heedless and ignorant again? (Just in case if i do- wa'iyadzhubillah!)
Turn to HIM, seek HIS forgiveness. Ask HIM to guide you. Then leave sins. Istiqamah.
*And tell your close companions to keep reminding you*

InshaAllah.. InshaAllah..

OK. No more of those ol' days.
I found something better. And i much appreciating it n i wouldn't wana lose it- ever!
*Sweetness of Faith. Halawatul eman*


Thank you Allah :)


Why i wrote this out of a sudden? Hehe. Had Twins of Faith (TOF) conference before. Were listening to its theme song. The non-instrumental song reminded me A LOT of my prev life. Guess my iman was so low that i started to miss all those seemingly 'great' times i had with my ol' friends on the stage, rehearsing with those so called cool songs sang by 'cool' rappers n singers yet adding more misery and emptiness to the heart. Hip hop. R&B pop. And those curses in raps?  They were not cool after all..


REAL PEACE is in the remembrance of Allah.

A post to remind the-sometimes-heedless me.

With so much love and peace,
Umm Teem.
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Never will HE be injustice

Bismillah. Assalamu'alaykum..

"I hate it when my love towards HIS creation is in conflict with my love towards THE CREATOR (Allah).."

Recalling on what a very dear friend of mine once said to me.. True indeed. It leaves you a DEEP CUT to the heart when you are battling with your evil nafs which tries its best to get its place in your heart instead of leaving your heart in peace in HIS remembrance- NO conflicts. NO restlestness. NO worries. Only tranquility. Happiness. Peacefulness. Conviction. Strong faith and love to Allah.

*How easy is life if you could just be like all those superheroes shown in the scenes, where you could just fight and defeat those wicked-ugly-evil monsters and the battles just end there!*


Be real ukhty.

Well, that's how you used to see life as when you were kids. How innocent!

Allahu musta'an..

Your love towards your mom, dad, friends or anything that pleases you in this beautiful world can either be one of your best means to come closer to The Ever-Forgiving Rabb or a barrier between you and HIM. Wa'iyadzhubillah. What pain can be worse than being allieniated, away from The Forever-Needing Rabb, Allah? When HE said in HIS love letter many times to those who choose to believe, never will we be able to find other Protector, Guardian or Best Friend other than HIM. How can we still look after one other than HIM after knowing this?

Again, everything in this world, which has helped you to live your day, comes from HIM alone, The All-Sustainer and The All-Provider, Allah. They are all MEANS. Up to you now on how you 'use' them. Thanks Allah before them. All praises due to HIM. Alhamdulillah.

When things get tougher in life, know that HE who knows everything hidden and shown, small or big, is teaching you something. Because that's human, we learn best from experience. It's time to get theories into practices eyh? Sabr, syukur, redha, tawakkul, love, fear, hope. InshaAllah. Allah alone our source of guidance, strength and support. :)


They might question you lots of things. Expressing to you their concern and worries. Yes. They love and care about you. True. You are listening to them too. But not all things you can obey or follow. What's left there to obey if it contradicts to HIS obedience. Verily there's no obedience to the creations over The Creator. Yes. Thank them for their concern. Explain to them why you couldn't agree with them this time. If they resist, be patient. Hold firm to HIS rope. Innallaha ma'assobirin..

I know you love them, but i know you love Allah more. So it's your duty to please Allah while being as hikmah as possible to be nice to them.

When everyone seems not understanding you, what you are going through, nor they believe you, no worries, don't be sad, turn to Allah. He's there and will always be. InshaAllah :)

"Allah alone can mend the broken heart, He alone can bring all the broken pieces back together. That's how HE does to your broken heart. It's easy for HIM. You just need to turn back to HIM.."

Maybe i've been too far from HIM all this while. Khayr. O Allah, I'm back. (Please don't leave me!!) *emo*

Hey, Allah is testing you, grab the chance to gain more reward eyh?

All in all, never will Allah be injustice to you- Did HE ever? Nope Alhamdulillah. :)

ps: Can't help myself from being sad.. Well, i'm being human. Give yourself a break. Forgive. Leave to Allah. Just do your part. He'll take good care of you. Just as HE always do. InshaAllah..

﴿قَالَ إِنَّمَا أَشْكُو بَثِّي وَحُزْنِي إِلَى اللّهِ ..
 He said, "I only complain of my suffering and my grief to Allah , .
[Yusuf: 86]

.. فَاللَّهُ خَيْرٌ حَـفِظًا وَهُوَ أَرْحَمُ الرَحِمِينَ ﴾
.. But Allah is the Best to guard, and He is the Most Merciful of those who show mercy.''
[Yusuf: 64]

 فَاصْبِرْ إِنَّ الْعَـقِبَةَ لِلْمُتَّقِينَ ﴾
. So be patient. Surely, the (good) end is for those who have Taqwa.
[Hud: 49]

A post to heal.

With so much love and peace,
Umm Teem

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Wednesday, January 25, 2012

LOW IMAN: Switch it on!

Bismillah. Assalamu'alaykum!

Writing this post this time to remind myself first and foremost to humble down my un-resolved egoism.  SubhanAllah. There are times you know you need Allah most but sadly, sometimes we ignore the 'call' to return to HIM. Astagfirullah..

Ok. Low iman. Fine. Iman goes up and down sometimes. Roger that. So forgive yourself. Done. Know that you are not an angel, you are A HUMAN BEING. Notified. (Reality strikes. Yikes!)

You know, there are things that we know Allah and our beloved Prophet Muhammad (s) hate and that you try your best to avoid them or refrain yourself from getting indulged in. Tho' sometimes it seems sooooo hard to do so. Allahu musta'an. This is the BEST moment i'll tell myself: "Be patient my dear. Expect awesome and LOTS of rewards from your Lord!" Yeay! InshaAllah..

Free-mixing + too much music + vain talks + idol talks + backbiting + slandering, and MORE.
Astaghfirullah.. How poisonous all these could be to your eman and the soundness of your heart. Even if you are innocent, you are not committing all these sins when people surround you do, they sometimes affect you (you know how terrible and disturbed your heart feels when your friends backbite others friends of yours, etc)

*Imagining the unwashed-black-rotten-pan = colour of our sick heart*
Eeewww.. Na'udzhubillahi min dzalik!

Then.. Over a period of time, living in this kinda-sickening environment, your eman might go down (!)

And this is the moment you need something/someone to 'switch' on your eman if you couldn't reach for it (when the main switch is too high! Help me!).

Get good friends who love+fear Allah so so much to help you out. They might help you to figure out what 'poisons' have you consumed that severe your eman and suggest cure.

Or maybe it's time for you to change to new environment, do hijrah to better-friendlier one that can support you to improve yourself to better practising your deen. (But if you couldn't, fuh. Gotta fear Allah as much as you can-fear out love towards HIM! Man.. You don't wana displease HIM, do you? Wa'iyadzhubillah!)

Or start removing all those heart-aching and head-paining songs in your ipod or any mp3/mp4 player and put on eman-generating or eman-boosting lectures to get you motivated thru'out your whole day. You know, when our eman is disturbed, everything that we do seem so wrong. So fix the root cause first. InshaAllah :)

Yet, THE BEST: Al-Quran, of course. Listen, read, ponder upon its meaning.. SubhanAllah. So many 'treasures' yet to be discoevered! Dig dig dig the wisdoms and lessons learnt. Be inspired with its beauty and power of healing to any spiritual sicknesses. It works best for me so far, alhamdulillah :)

*more humble tips on getting connected to Al-Quran shared, click here *

And don't forget to make du'a to Allah. He The One who holds our heart day and night, with or without our conscientiousness (did i spell it right?), has the ability to turn and twist it. Wow, that's seriously put our head straight! Turn to HIM. Ask HIM to help you to strengthen you faith over calamities and keep it 'fresh' in thankfulness to HIM in times of ease. Have faith in HIM, inshaAllah HE will not forsake you :)

ps: Recalling on 3 things Ibn Qayyim once mentioned- that contribute most to weakness of our eman: Too much intermingling or socializing, excessive eating and excessive talking (or was it sleeping?)

O Allah... Help me to help myself to remember YOU....
*Emergency call to Allah*

So much in need of reminders,
Umm Teem
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