Thursday, January 26, 2012

It's My Past. No More Please


SubhanAllah.. One evening a dear friend of mine asked, with enough confusion on her face (obviously), "Why would you feel so much disturb whenever there's music playing on?"

I couldn't think of any better answer, "Because i used to love it so much"

I understand why couldn't she comprehend this 'weird' thing she found in me. Why wouldn't she feel that way anyway. In the middle of nowhere, 'those' songs were sometimes played n i couldn't sit peacefully, restless and worse i just got up and excused myself. I WALKED AWAY.

Yea.. I used to love these songs. But not anymore. Now, i HATE them.
I really hate thinking of how much had all these songs taken my time in past.
Hate thinking how much had i wasted my life
Hate thinking how much had them bring me away from spending more time seeking knowledge
Hate most thinking how much had this life of delusion taken me away from Allah- from HIS remembrance.

Life of delusion? Uhuh. Over-preoccupying my life with MUSIC. As if life is empty, null, boring without music. Sounds familiar?

*Early notification*
I'm not gonna tell you the rulings on music- prohibited or not? In what sense? Prohibited instruments, etc this time. Just clarifying my preference of Al-Quran over music. I listen to nasheed songs sometimes too, but without instruments and VERY rarely (I don't find contentment in nasheed songs though).

You see, i was raised up with music. It was was my passion, REALLY was.

My schoolmates know this well.

Wallahi i wish you girls read this post of mine. WAllahi i miss you girls.
I miss how we used to rehearse our parts (choir, singing contest) and how i used to watch you girls dancing  while waiting for my turn to practise my songs. And wanting to learn how to play piano after done practising our parts (choir) in our school mainhall.

But now, i've changed. You girls can obviously see this from me.  Wondering what happened to me, disappearing for almost 2 years then wala! Me with her big hijab after those years n now NIQAB. And guess you were shocked to discover me last time with this 'shield' on my face.

*ninja* Hoho

When Amir Muhaddith (if i spelled his name right. Known as 'Loon' before reverting to Islam, a former rapper with Bad Boys recording, used to be famous in one of his songs feat with Usher: 'I need a Girl'- again, if i spelled it right) was asked during his talk in my university to perform an 'Islamic Rap' or music or SOMETHING, he refused. He was trying to tell them not to 'bring' him back to his past life and that if possible, he would never wana go BACK to his past life- MUSIC. Wallahi i felt like he had my words! The exact spirit, 'dilemma' (perhaps. of choosing music over the beautiful words of Allah), determination (to leave music!). Imagine, it's part of your past-jahiliiyah life that you wanted so BADLY to leave for the sake of Allah and now turning your WHOLE new life to something better that is THE QURAN, beautiful words of Allah but out of a sudden, a person comes to you and telling you to 'go' back to that which you don't even want to come near to-music? And to some people, sometimes, when you tried your best to politely refuse and still they insist, that's the moment they will be shocked to see the 'weird' part of you: angry, unexplainable disturbed+mixed emotions seen obviously on your face and worst to be labelled as being extreme when you walk away. SubhanAllah..

Allah knows best that you were not trying to be rude.
Allahu yahdina.

And it was just a moment ago, i told to myself, "Oo my god, i miss to sing again".
Then i asked, "Then why are you here?"

Purpose of life?
Worship Allah. Please Allah.

Pleasing HIM. Gain knowledge to know what are the things taught in this perfect, complete and beautiful deen, understand, practice, teach and share! Keep purifying intention, actions, nafs- for HIS sake alone. InshaAllah.

What if you forget and become heedless and ignorant again? (Just in case if i do- wa'iyadzhubillah!)
Turn to HIM, seek HIS forgiveness. Ask HIM to guide you. Then leave sins. Istiqamah.
*And tell your close companions to keep reminding you*

InshaAllah.. InshaAllah..

OK. No more of those ol' days.
I found something better. And i much appreciating it n i wouldn't wana lose it- ever!
*Sweetness of Faith. Halawatul eman*


Thank you Allah :)


Why i wrote this out of a sudden? Hehe. Had Twins of Faith (TOF) conference before. Were listening to its theme song. The non-instrumental song reminded me A LOT of my prev life. Guess my iman was so low that i started to miss all those seemingly 'great' times i had with my ol' friends on the stage, rehearsing with those so called cool songs sang by 'cool' rappers n singers yet adding more misery and emptiness to the heart. Hip hop. R&B pop. And those curses in raps?  They were not cool after all..


REAL PEACE is in the remembrance of Allah.

A post to remind the-sometimes-heedless me.

With so much love and peace,
Umm Teem.

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