A nice article to share for today..
“Contentment is a treasure that never perishes.”
What happens then is every time we meet a potential for marriage, we hope they are the One. We project all of our dreams and emotional baggage on the poor person. We expect them to be that which they are not. Then we get married and discover the true person. We divorce. Then we repeat the same cycle, living miserably ever after.
While some people do actually find their SSM, most people don’t (including the actors in those movies). Despite this, some people still live happily! Omar (ra) said, “Love is not the only component for building successful families.” Happiness can still be achieved with someone short of the ideal spouse. The key is to accept what one has. A beautiful Arabic proverb says: “Contentment is a treasure that never perishes.” If a person is content with a difficult situation, he will be happy; if he is discontent with a good situation, he will never be happy.
Here are a few things that could help:
- Stop watching those romantic comedies. Most of those stories are more ‘fiction’ than Avatar.
- Remember, you’re not perfect yourself, even if your mother thinks you are.
- Get to know your spouse as they are, not as you wish for them to be. Each person has their own individuality, and if you accept them as they are, you may find someone very beautiful. Put an effort into discovering your other half, without any prior judgment. But essential for that is…
- … not to criticize them and to make them feel uncomfortable. When people feel they’re constantly monitored and evaluated, they act very sloppy and awkward and could never blossom, showing their true beauty.
- Do not define them by their shortcomings. In a hadith narrated by Abu Hurairah in Sahih Muslim, our Prophet ﷺ said:“A believing man would never feel repulsed by his believing wife; if finds something about her that he dislikes, he will always find something else about her that satisfies him.”
- Keep in mind that Mr. or Mrs. Super-Perfect DOES NOT exist. What about Khadija (R), you ask? She was perfect and real, wasn’t she? Yes, she was real, for someone like the Prophet ﷺ. It would not be fair to hold that perfect woman as the minimum acceptable standard; that unless my wife is like her, she won’t be good enough. Khadijah was indeed the maximum - the best a woman can be. The Prophet ﷺ said four women attained perfection. Only Khadijah amongst them was married to a prophet. In a hadith narrated in the Musnad, the Prophet ﷺ said Allah sent 124,000 prophets, yet only one of the perfect women was married to a prophet. So 123,999 prophets had less-than-perfect wives. Some, like the great Prophets Nuh and Lut (`alayhi assalam) even had bad wives. Something to think about.
- Have taqwa (God-consciousness) of Allah in whatever you do and keep in mind His reward. Omar (ra) said, “We found the joy of our lives in patience (sabr).”
- To make it easier on others, if you are blessed with a great spouse, then praise be to Allah. Just don’t make it difficult on the others, by continuously telling them how perfect your spouse is.
- Finally, if you still feel a compulsion to compare with others, then you should compare with those that have less. The Prophet ﷺ recommended for this, as “it makes it easier for you to appreciate the blessings of your Lord.”