Oo Allah, I'm So Sorry

"I'm not gonna do that again!"


With full determination, telling myself that last night. And alhamdulillah, i did it- removed -hoping to leave it for the sake Allah, and hoping that Allah will replace it with something better. inshaAllah..


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It all started last night, after the talk, on our way back, few dear sisters of mine started singing hindi's song.
Gotta break it, or else we all mighht get carried away from the remembrance of Allah!


So i started reciting few aayat from The Quran loud enough for them to hear.
Crazy thing to do but it worked. *yezza*


Then a friend who walked beside me paused. Others continued walking in front of me, still not noticing.. Huhu


"How do people recite Al-Quran with rythm?" she asked.


I startled. Thinking of what to answer her.


"Leave music. Read more Quran. Get used to listening to more than one qari" i answered her simple..


In my head, recalling my struggle leaving music few years ago, alhamdulillah. Allah gave me strength to do so, and it was made easy upon me by the mercy of Allah.


Listening to music take up so much time. We read less Quran than listen to music.


"It's hard, i know, but that's the test. You wanted to leave what displeases HIM and turn to what pleases HIM, ask Allah to make it easy upon you, but of course, you should expect HIM to test you a bit.." I said to her, with an encouraging smile.


"Guess i have to hang around more with you girls.." She seemed to be in deep thought, lost in her own world.


Understood her feelings, i said "We all need each other, to improve.."


Both lost in our world of thoughts, walking straight to masjid. 


*we went to pray for isyak pretty late. Hate it. Guess they are all tired of hearing me complaining "Hey we haven't prayed!* every less than 10 min throughout the night after the talk ends! Heee.. Done it with purpose. Yea we were the committees for the program but we should really rush to prayers. Sorry girls, i couldn't stand waiting..Huhu*


In Masjid:


Everyone's pushing each other to become imamah to lead the prayer. Fine. For more rewards, i gave in.


*humm.. common scene..*


"Ukhty, recite 'nuurun 'ala nuur'.." A friend requested. SubhanAllah. i miss that ayah..


The prayer went on until.....

Translation:



"Allah is the Light of the heavens and the earth. The example of His light is like a niche within which is a lamp, the lamp is within glass, the glass as if it were a pearly [white] star lit from [the oil of] a blessed olive tree, neither of the east nor of the west, whose oil would almost glow even if untouched by fire. Light upon light. Allah guides to His light whom He wills. And Allah presents examples for the people, and Allah is Knowing of all things.." [An-Nuur: 35]




Erk?


Then the ayah hit me..


" . Light upon light. Allah guides to His light whom He wills. And Allah presents examples for the people, and Allah is Knowing of all things.. "


Allah.. it's by your mercy that i'm standing here today. By your mercy that you guided me to here today. SubhanAllah..

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Felt so ashamed. 
How could we sinning after all these blessings bestowed from HIM upon us?


Felt so ashamed. Shouldn't we? 
Standing in front of HIM, The Merciful One and Forgiving, concealing our sins in people's eyes that they see only good things from you?. 
Thinking of the sins we committed not wanting people to know, but forgetting HE KNOWS?..


Allahuakbar.. 
I knew exactly the one i did. 
That's the moment i realized and told to myself, "i'm not gonna di it again. Ever."
InshaAllah..


The prayer continued to 2nd rakaah until..


يأَيُّهَا الَّذِينَ ءَامَنُواْ لِمَ تَقُولُونَ مَا لاَ تَفْعَلُونَ 
"O you who believe! Why do you say that which you do not do"

كَبُرَ مَقْتاً عِندَ اللَّهِ أَن تَقُولُواْ مَا لاَ تَفْعَلُونَ 

"Most hateful it is with Allah that you say that which you do not do.."

[As-Saff: 2-3]

How can we tell people not to do somethg but we are the one who's committing it. Hey, again, Allah knows aite? 


*Haaaa... I felt like the ayah spoke directly to me.. (T__T)*

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Oo Allah.. I'm so sorry. I  promise i will not do that again. Plz give me patience and replace it with something better.


Jannah isn't cheap. It has a PRICE needing us to pay. 


But i'm buying. Trying to reach the price.
InshaAllah.


"We are yet to make Allah's happy with us" 
Syaykh Tawfique Chowdury-Twins of Faith Dec 2011 Conference.


Oo Allah, please be happy with me.
Protect me from things that You hate.
Grant me taqwa.
Grant me furqaan..


يِـأَيُّهَا الَّذِينَ ءَامَنُواْ إَن تَتَّقُواْ اللَّهَ يَجْعَل لَّكُمْ فُرْقَانًا وَيُكَفِّرْ عَنكُمْ سَيِّئَاتِكُمْ وَيَغْفِرْ لَكُمْ وَاللَّهُ ذُو الْفَضْلِ الْعَظِيمِ

"O you who believe! If you obey and fear Allah, He will grant you Furqan, and will expiate for you your sins, and forgive you; and Allah is the Owner of the great bounty" [Al-Anfal:29]

`Furqan': `criterion between truth and falsehood'. (Muhammad bin Ishaq)

Certainly, those who have Taqwa of Allah by obeying what He ordained and abstaining from what he forbade, will be guided to differentiate between the truth and the falsehood. This will be a triumph, safety and a way out for them from the affairs of this life, all the while acquiring happiness in the Hereafter. They will also gain forgiveness, thus having their sins erased, and pardon, thus having their sins covered from other people, as well as, being directed to a way to gain Allah's tremendous rewards,"

Excerpts of aayat of Al-Quran above are taken from  http://www.qtafsir.com

*Deactivated FB temporarily- to rest*